I, stumbled into an old castle, crumbling and broken, far to the north, it's stones sinking back into the earth. Within a cold room covered with rhime-ice, I saw a great throne of heavy granite. A crown of ice rested on the great seat. I took the crown, placing it on my head and thus became the sovereign of this frozen place, king of trolls and giant-kin, earth spirits and anceint ways.

Hail Kings and Queens of the knowne world! I am Vakr first of my nation, Sami. I extend a hand of friendship to those who would accept it. And offer a place for the heads of those who would harm our cold nation and its' allies.

I do hereby welcome all who would join me and make the long journey north to Sami.
The mead is hot and spiced. The pipes are ever full. And the stories strange and bold.

Once there were three brothers. They were unfortunate and misshapen.
The first brother was very tall with enormous hands and feet. He was so clumsy that he broke things every where he went.
The second brother was of average height but he was a hump-back and tended to let his hair grow long and unruly, he never combed it or washed it. He was un-hirable.
Third brother was well enough in body but he had great big ears, and bulging eyes that were yellow with sickness, and when he had a beard on he was quite frightening indeed. No maid would look at him.

Rather than lament their unfortunate states, the brothers decided amongst them selves to make their abode far away in the high mountains. Taking what tools and supplies they could gather, and a few goats for meat and milk they removed themselves from other folk and were content to live a life of seclusion.

Now first brother, though he was clumsy was rather clever at certain things, and fishing was one of them. Often he spent his days snatching salmon and gronling from the mountain streams and lakes to smoke for the winter.
Third brother favored long walks in the woods where he could forage for mushrooms and sweet onions and smell the fragrance of the earth.
Second brother was happy to tend the goats all through the lazy day, and became good at making cheese and kefir. He kept bees and could make a fine mead as well.
In this way the brothers survived and were happy.

As progress is ever the way of human-folk, a small village soon appeared not far from the brothers’ secret home-stead. Eventually the folk of the village began to discover signs left by the brothers.
The first evidence was foot prints, twice as big as any normal person down the valley on the shore of the lovely lake. 'It has to be a large creature' thought the villagers.

One day third bother was ambling through the dark forest early in the morning just before dawn finding fresh morals and savoring the mist rising from the rotten forest floor, never noticing the drunken farmer stumbling home in the early morning fog.

"It has bulging eyes and huge ears and digs in the earth" cried the peasant when he woke up that same afternoon.


And then second brother was spotted by a small girl one evening just after sunset. He was carrying a large Billy-goat over his already humped shoulders and the horns curved sharply, tangling in his shock of messy hair. He must have been a frightening sight for such a small child.

Now the village counsel thought long about what to do with a troll in the mountains near their ever expanding farmlands.
No one wish to fight it. Every one agreed that trying to slay a troll was folly. And the best thing would be to try and keep its belly full so it had no need to gobble up poor stringy peasant folk.
So it was decreed that every one should leave what ever extra they had each week down near the lovely lake by a tall pile of stones for the troll.

So the three misfigured brothers knowing how they frightened regular folk remained hidden as well they could, deep in the high mountains. In this way were they able to live in the way simple folk imagine kings do.

There was a troll beneath the bridge today.
I lept forth, the troll to slay.
Troll said.
"Wait! It is not you I mean to eat.
For you are bitter and angry
a lump of rotten meat.
I wait for something innocent,
plump and sweet."

So I let Troll be for another day.
But should he come out from that bridge.
And amble across my way.
By the hammer of Thor. That Troll I'll slay.
I won't let him live to glut on the flesh
of the innocent maid.

But just for today I think Ill wait.
My dinner is made
and awaits on my plate.
And my shields a bit dented.
It needs new paint.